October 2022
Esther's partner wrote this piece when Esther had withdrawn to a quiet place for a somewhat longer period of time, in order to sufficiently process the heaviest traumas that were still there. This eventually led to full integration of all remaining personality parts in Esther's case, see here Esther's own story on this. That it would go like this was not yet clear when Esther's partner wrote this.
Esther's coping process continues relentlessly. God clearly has her in His hand. He is in charge and the traumas of the past all present themselves. Always in retrospect, it can be seen why one trauma had to go before another. Sometimes personality parts dive inside to calm down after a horrible memory is discussed. Because it really is an overload, just too much, not doable. Then so often it turns out later that this indeed had to wait too. so that another person part could share his or her memories. So that the two or three or more parts could then move on together. It is not only far too traumatic to bear, but also so intricately divided inside between the parts and person parts deliberately set against each other by trauma by the cult, that it is actually humanly impossible to get an overview, let alone healing, in it.
That is why I thank Jeshua every day for who He is in and what He is doing for Esther. And with her for all survivors. It really can be done! He knows her and can put the puzzle together.
But the traumas are really so heavy, so one and all evil, that processing them is sometimes incompatible with a busy family life. Sometimes daily life is a driving force to keep going and not give up, but that doesn't always work out.
So for several years now, Esther has been taking timeouts and withdrawing from the family in a place where she can focus 100 % and let the emotions go. We used to do this together, but lately the traumas have gone so deep that she really needs professional help with this.
It requires a lot of professional help (which Jeshua thankfully provides)
But also the home front. the chinchildren who have to miss their mother; and knowing from a distance the deep valleys your wife has to go through and not being able to hold her in your arms is quite complicated ... but I write this, as an encouragement to others. Sometimes letting go is precisely loving.
I know that Jeshua carries her and does not let go. He always finishes the work He started.
As a survivor of SRM, the only thing you have learned is that, after all, everyone eventually lets you down. This is what Esther has learned and experienced her whole life in the cult.
As Christians, let us stand beside survivors as fellow human beings. Let us prove to them that things can be different. Let us surround them with love, patience and predictability. With saying what you do and, above all, doing what you say.
Esther knows that no matter how deep the valleys she goes through and how terrible the things her childhood brings, there are people who love her and are there for her. Thankfully, I am not alone in that.
Jeshua thank You for Your omnipotence. for Your love and thank You for what You did for us on the Cross on Calvary. For You nothing is impossible.
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