Thirteenth message, Christmas Eve 2022

By Aline ism. Gerard van der Schee

Harassment by police, death threats in prelude to Christmas

This site was set up after an attempted murder of Esther, 3 December 2020. The purpose of the site was to increase her and my safety and that of those around us. And disclosure of this cult's heinous crimes.

This blog again has that dual purpose.

In recent months, the pressure on Esther has been unrelenting. The cult no doubt knows that her extremely intensive trauma treatment has ensured that she is fully integrated. That is, there is no longer multiple personality disorder, nor dissociative identity disorder (DIS), but PTSD in one integrated personality. A tremendously tough process, but with lasting results, for which I have deep respect (see here for Esther's own impressive description of this process). A visible result too, as the conversion symptoms Esther suffered from (failure of certain bodily functions without physical cause) have disappeared.

The pressure on Esther remains undiminished. For instance, there is a relentless stream of police threats: Police 'riding along' when she drives to my practice, along to work, riding back and forth in the park opposite her house, nota bene on cycle tracks, with a police car late at night on a cycle track blocking the passage for her daughter cycling home. And phone calls from official police numbers, emails from official police email address with suggestive requests for information.

In the run-up to Christmas, cult sends all sorts of threats to various people in Esther's support network. Pictures of a young woman's tortured face, hook holds nostrils wide open, clamps hold mouth open, blood and large frightened eyes. A video of a man aggressively raping and almost strangling a woman, etc. The emails are sometimes drafted in such a way that at first it looks like something to do with the recipient's work: 'your translated book', 'meeting' , 'application' etc. Esther herself gets them wrapped up even more veiled, e.g. as an email with job link from her employer. Cult makes every effort to ensure that she does have to look. What she sees is e.g. a child of hers being tortured in the cult and the build-up therein. Everything they try to do to aggravate this Christmas season with all its horrifying memories.

Pictures I cannot include here, but with some trepidation I do put the text below here. To give an impression of the evil, sadistic desires of those who allow themselves to be employed by this cult.

Date: Mon 19 Dec 2022 at 22:15
Subject: Getting ready.... you

I am coming
Done with you
Get ready

I fuck you full deep in your throat
Until your throat holds your breath away
You slowly punctual
By my cock

I am waiting for my moment
And see you everywhere
Suddenly I will be there
Are you in my trap
Facing a slow but delicious death together with your sweetheart
And you know who will help me
My own little thief
Her bsn is xxxxxxxxxxxxxx (removed by AT)
She was quite pretty
Until you fucked her up
After I pounded her
But she will always be mine
So nice

P.h.l 31

Gerard van der Schee, Friends of Esthers team member, and myself receive a death threat (again) on the eve of Christmas:

Date: 21-12-2022 20:15 (GMT+01:00)

Subject: Do you flee together or alone

Where are you where are you

I think the end is in sight...

are you ready?

3 more days

With a follow-up to me a few days later:

To: >

Date: December 23, 2022 at 1:46 PM  

Subject: One more

1 more day.... That you may finally die...

Date: On Friday, December 23rd, 2022 at 22:43
Subject: Less than 25 hours

Are you ready? 

Probably never

I will see the fear in your eyes!

How wonderful that is

Along with other sweethearts of yours succumb

See you almost!!!

The latest mail was first sent to one of my proton mailboxes, and not to my regular work mail. Is it a coincidence that just today I suddenly cannot enter my work mailbox for some inexplicable reason?

It is Christmas. Night after night, children are tortured on Dutch soil, by people with evil fantasies and sadistic pleasure in terrifying death and seeing children in extreme pain. Who get a kick out of humiliating and destroying. People with a heart condition such as that expressed in the above cult emails.

It's Christmas. The Hendriks report is just out, with 'improvement proposals' that -in our initial opinion- will not save a child (more on the report later on this site). Esther was one of the many survivors who did not dare to speak in this committee. Not surprising, when the very people with police cars and uniforms are watching you day and night, when you have, among other things, razor-sharp memories of torture as a child by high-ranking members of the judiciary and police, and when you know that the committee is controlled and set up by the judiciary.  

At Christmas, we celebrate the coming of Jesus. The Man who never let himself be sandbagged by a pretty exterior, impressive titles, wonderful-sounding words or countless partial reports. The Man who exposed the real motives of haughty and evil people in razor-sharp terms. But with deep love and infinite patience for those who are broken and broken and allow Him to take them by the hand.

That Man I want to follow. That is my God.

Twelfth message, October 31, 2022, Halloween

By Esther

Exit process during cult days

Before I went to therapy, I just went to cult meetings. I led a double life, being a hardworking woman during the day who just went to work, raised children, cleaned the house, had friendships and also attended Bible studies and went to church. On some nights, I went to satanic gatherings where I worshipped Satan, made sacrifices and also raped and tortured myself.

I led two lives. With one leg in ordinary life and with the other in the cult. Made possible by my DIS and by the training torture (through 'superconditioning' via electroshock, among other things), which the person parts underwent in the cult after splitting, forced to keep living this double life and keep obeying.

I did often have anxiety as soon as evening came. Especially with days like Halloween and Christmas and Easter. I felt a spiritual pressure and tension, but as a name-bearer part, I paid little attention to it because I couldn't do anything with it anyway. At the time, I had no idea of what had happened during the time I completely missed (hours, sometimes days).

Meanwhile, through trauma processing, I know more and more about other personality parts and it is less and less 'them' and more and more 'me'.

Over the course of my adult life, it began to gnaw more and more at person parts going to cult. Whenever one of those person parts prepared for cult night, that person part would feel insecure, wobbly and anxious. The person part sometimes actually didn't want to go, but she didn't have that option. The person parts knew that if we didn't go, the cult would come for us and life was no longer a day certain. We had to, we couldn't do otherwise. In therapy, we tried to process incurred traumas that surfaced and tried to find courage to go on living. Not to give up. Slowly, we gained hope. However, we could not yet fully release our fears, memories of torture and desire for pain, and for all the overload of feelings, we actually 'needed' the cult. It is a huge process to start feeling trust in therapy and with people around you, but also facing all the traumas, telling them, feeling them and thus processing them is a leaden task. There is so much to process, so not everything can be taken out and processed immediately (this takes a long process) and processing also brings out extreme feelings of fear, powerlessness, shame, guilt, disgust and more, in all their intensity.

Without new traumas, extreme physical pain, drugs and horror, we started feeling too much and couldn't cope with life. We needed these unhealthy things from them. We were addicted to them. This besides the fact that we were convinced that we would die, or one of our children (some growing up with me, others trapped in the cult), or others with whom we had a connection, if we did not come.

As more and more people knew I was from the cult and that I still went sometimes, I began to feel more and more ashamed. But I also saw that even though people knew what I sometimes did and understood that sometimes I couldn't do anything else, they didn't run away. They were there, stayed there and helped me up again and again. They showed me the grace of Jeshua and that His Love stood firm no matter what I chose or did.

Of course, there was some kind of primal force within myself to want to get out and quit, which others saw. But I was also slipping again and again. The cup of fear was more filled than the cup of trust and love.

The more personality parts had shared their traumas, the harder it became in my mind to go any more and the more I longed for help, for a way out. But how hard is it to ask for help when the fear and shame is so great and you are actually incredibly stuck. In a split. When you are ashamed of feelings that another person may not even be able to understand, because how could anyone possibly long for demon rape and sacrifice?

The first time I had to go but couldn't because my partner literally stopped me from going out the door, the fear was so intense. I had to and would go because they would come and get me and kill me. But I was stopped and really couldn't leave. All the torturous memories that came with disobeying passed by and I found it difficult to keep apart the reality of life today and my memories.

The next day, I was in a kind of trance. I was in crisis. I couldn't think what to do next, I had committed the worst sin I could possibly commit. And that was not going. I would suffer the punishment of apostates: being beaten to death naked in front of the 'cult congregation'.

But in the following days and weeks, nothing happened, except that the cult members chased me, sent me emails and called me, but they did not come to get me, and the people around me who tried to help me also stayed the same, did not get angry with me and did not run away.

Time after time, I experienced the cult nights as intense. My struggle in my head that I had to go but that it is not good to go was immense, but the more often I managed not to go, the greater the conviction in me that I really did not want to go and wanted help with that. I began to see more and more how hideously bad the cult is and what terrible deeds they do in the cult.

Over the past few years, since I stopped going to the 'parties' in the cult, every year the fear and urge to go got smaller. My cup of trust and love was filled more than the cup of fear. Last year, I last felt the urge to have to go. Now, this year, there is the sadness for what happens to others there with all the images and feelings attached, but inside I am so convinced that I no longer belong there. What a miracle, I could never have imagined for myself that that would be possible.

I hope this may encourage other survivors that even though it seems so hopeless and hopeless and you have the belief that the cult will always be stronger and will always win: it is not true!!! That you believe that is so logical and you have had enough evidence to believe it. In that you are right, but they too have limits. When Jeshua's light breaks through and loosens your shackles, Satan can do nothing!

For survivors/victims: I wish everyone a Halloween week where Jeshua's power and might will be present, reign and show his greatness. A night when darkness will not reign, but the people of God will rise like a Gideon's band. Where God is, darkness must give way!

I wish everyone the peace and tranquillity of Jeshua. His divine protection in any situation, even if it is in the midst of darkness! He saved me, from the deepest darkness, He can do the same with you! He saved me from death several times, in the middle of that darkness, but I am alive!

For all those around survivors: loneliness is very much in evidence during cult nights. Besides the inhuman battle against the forces and powers of darkness and the pull towards freedom in Jeshua, there is also the fact that when you then choose not to go, most people around a survivor in such a night just go to sleep. As a survivor, you are fighting an inhuman battle that grows bigger and stronger in the hours to come and that battle cannot be won without people around you. Stay awake, pray together and for the other person. Let it be known that you know they are fighting the biggest war of their lives and ask questions.

Let us stand around these people like a Gideon's band, so that they will no longer stand alone and the glory of God will only increase!

Love Esther

Eleventh message, 5 July 2022

By Aline

In prelude to cult nights (5 and 6 July), cult's blackmail attempt continues

Over the past few days, it keeps raining cult emails from the friends network, with nasty pictures, apparently written by Esther (sent from her mailbox). However, it is obvious that these are not her texts, just as I have not sent her an e-mail to end the therapy (see previous blog).

The first aim of the cult emails seems to be to panic Esther by feeding the fear that photos in which she is forced to be a perpetrator will also be sent to her network. Even via her own mailbox. A second goal seems to be to blackmail her with the threat that if she does not return to them, they will leak these photos to the press. A number of people in the network received this e-mail:

'You have been helping for years, you think. In the meantime, I kill and gasp a lot. Like this I like best but those little ones are the most fun. They scream.

Submissive like this is my strength but I am a good ruler. Come into my mouth and I will swallow it. Everyone who is under the ground because of me has been lucky, now I have to go. X went into 5 pieces and Y into the fire. I can prove it all to you then I can finally get into the lick. I will send you the pictures if you don't believe me. Otherwise tell me you're done with me, so I can erase your name in my phone.

See you never again! Esther'

In the original mail, X and Y have two names. X is the name of a missing/murdered person, coldcase, Esther was an adult at the time. Y is the name of another missing/murdered person, coldcase, Esthers was still a child at the time.

And last night around a quarter past 8, this one came in to a number of network friends: 'Last chance, after this I'll send everything to the press....24 hours start now...'

A third scenario that Esther takes into account is the possibility that cult tries to get their hands on her through the police. This could be done by using a photo of her as the perpetrator with a murdered or missing person as a reason to arrest her. Esther says that she (like many other victims who have spoken about this) knows a large number of perpetrators, including (very) high-ranking people, who work for the police and judicial authorities. If the right people are in the 'right' place at the right time, she considers it quite possible that she will be tortured in or through a police cell. The aim is to force her to obey the cult. Esther wonders who will believe her when she comes out of the cell and tells them that this has happened?

The purpose of this blog post is to strengthen Esther's credibility, should the cult indeed take such action. I want to do this by letting witnesses speak for themselves who know how Esther is functioning in daily life at the moment. Should Esther indeed be tortured again, her functioning after her return will be significantly worse. This can then be established by the same witnesses.

I have therefore asked many people around Esther to explain how, in their opinion, Esther is functioning at the moment. These are, of course, all people who know the real identity of Esther. I quote a few of them here:

Over the past two years, I have seen Esther grow enormously as a person. She is now much stronger and more stable internally, she can and dares to put into words what has happened to her, and she is integrating more and more as a person. She has a strong and down-to-earth attitude to life, and is very dedicated to her family and work. It is remarkable that she can now enjoy the scents and colours of nature. She understands the process of becoming whole in which she is and she insists on moving forward, despite all the pressure from the cult to get her back or make her small.

Gerard van der Schee

A few years ago, I got to know Esther.
She was a frightened little bird then...
I know she is going through a huge struggle, but I have seen her determination and after all these years, she is now the woman who holds on to the promise for her life, strong, compassionate and also willing to be an example for others.

Hans Scholte

We know Esther as a self-confident woman who has her affairs in order.
She is stable in her actions and in her emotions
A pleasantly courageous woman.

Jaap Spaargaren

Perhaps a reader of this blog will say: why doesn't Esther go to the police herself to tell them how she is being blackmailed? A year and a half ago, I wrote an opinion article about this in the Dutch daily paper, which here to read. In the meantime, more facts are piling up. Some of them are given below, both generally known facts and things that I have experienced in the treatment of Esther and others.

Besides Esther, there are many other victims who tell (anonymously) about police and judicial involvement in organised (ritual) abuse. This is the reason why the group of ca. 20 mental health care professionals, has intensively - but in vain - pleaded for an independent investigation, independent from justice, see the letters on this site under 'government and justice'. In 2020, Kaleidoscope offered a collection of stories to the Dutch Lower House, with the (very bad) experiences of survivors when reporting organised abuse. The stories do not lie. Other facts that also recently came to the surface reinforce the impression that fighting sex crimes is anything but a priority. See e.g. the film at the bottom, of parents whose 5-year-old daughter was abused. If such 'simple' cases are not taken up, the complex case of Esther and other survivors - apart from all other reasons not to go to the police - has no chance in advance. Also very remarkable is the fact that women indicate that the police seem to have a discouraging policy when it comes to reporting sexual offences and the disappearance of the independence of AmberAlert, see the article cross-links. The sluggishness of the police and judiciary in these cases contrasts sharply with the vigour with which people who publicly call attention to organised (ritual) abuse are arrested. The continuing capacity problem of the police and the judiciary does not appear to be an obstacle, all time and energy is spent on bringing these people to justice. Are the cases the three from Bodegraven are accused of, really more serious than the systematic rape of a girl of 5 or younger? And does our society really find that more important than trying to prevent the same thing happening to other 5 year old girls? Also the girl Lisa (see the broadcasts of Argos about her) was demonstrably not given a fair trial, but her mother was taken from her bed on 8 March, according to reports on social media.

Since writing the opinion article mentioned earlier, I myself have experienced a lot of new things that underline the credibility of the testimonies of srm survivors, also about the involvement of the judiciary and the police. I can't mention everything here (yet), but some of the things I have experienced around the theme of 'police' I would like to mention at this point:

  • I have been on the phone several times with Esther while she said that she was being followed by a police van/car, sometimes sandwiched between two. Note: I have never been able to catch Esther in a lie in other cases, apart from once in the beginning of the therapy when a person part wanted to test me.
  • Esther's husband has himself experienced on several occasions that a police car alternately drove in front of and behind them and that one of the occupants made hand gestures towards Esther. I myself have also seen police cars circling around Esther while I was riding with her.
  • Esther's husband saw (together with Esther) how a police car drove back and forth on the cycle path across their house for about 10 minutes.
  • I have seen a photo in which rape took place by a man in police uniform against a police car and a photo where a naked woman, plastered with electrocution wires on both sides, was held by a policeman.
  • I have witnessed the process of processing several of Esther's horrific torture memories, in which (very) high-ranking police and judicial officials played a crucial role. Some of these can be read in the fragments of Esther's life story on this site. It was precisely the realisation and the processing of the power position of these people that made the processing more difficult.

And then this. At the beginning of Esther's treatment, I could not imagine that her fear of death with regard to the police and the judiciary could be justified. There had to be honest policemen in the Netherlands, who would do anything to help bring these crimes against humanity into the limelight. And surely there had to be a way to do this safely? The regular way (reporting to the police) seemed impassable anyway, because people at the top of the police/judiciary can see all the files (I was told by an expert police officer). So if Esther and the other survivors were right and there were perpetrators at the top of the Justice Department, I suspected that this would be the way to prevent the report from being made sooner or later. But there is another way, via the TCI (Team Criminal Intelligence). This special police team does not report through their usual information system. I accepted the offer of a neighbourhood policeman, who wanted to put me in touch with the TCI. I did not discuss this with Esther, I would only speak in very vague terms and of course without mentioning Esther's name. I could not call this team myself, but someone from the team would contact me anonymously (first name only). This did indeed happen. To rule out that I was called by a cult member posing as a TCI detective, I checked through regular police phone numbers to see if this call was true. It was. I told something very briefly about Esther's situation, obviously not revealing her identity. I only told about someone who had escaped from a perpetrator's network, who was doing everything possible to force her back into forced prostitution. The detective explained that their modus operandi is to work with the victim to set a trap for the perpetrators. So that they could be caught red-handed. His experience was that such victims are so fearful that they betray the plan to their perpetrators before it can be carried out. In short, he saw no possibilities.

Many months later, I had a very frightened child part of Esther in panic on the app. Was it true that I had called the police? She had been called and had heard an audio recording in which I talked to someone from the police about her. She was sure it was me, I had the same 'sniff'. I denied it outright, the option 'police' had already been crossed off in my mind. I did not think for a moment about this conversation months earlier, because in my eyes it was completely anonymous and cult could not have gotten wind of it. It took some time after that for certain parts of Esther's personality to start trusting me again. They were not reassured by my saying that it could be a 'deep fake' recording. Only recently, when Esther and I talked through the beginning of the treatment and I also told her about this incident, did the pieces of the puzzle fall into place for her. Another person was able to tell me the general contents of the conversation. For me too, the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. She had heard a recording of the telephone conversation I had with the TCI. But how could that happen?

As I said, there is more. I cannot write everything here (now). But I hope to have made it clear to the reader that I have every reason to take very seriously the scenario that Esther could be lured into a cult trap via the police.

Tenth message, 1 July 2022

By Aline

Cult takes new step: blatant hacking/falsifying of digital communication

To communicate between face-to-face appointments, Esther and I have been using ever-changing apps (not being whatsapp) and email addresses for years. Frequent switching proved necessary, because the cult had long since become familiar with information from our app or email exchanges. Regularly, messages that were sent did not arrive.

In the past week, the cult opened an offensive via breaking into/falsifying email, chats and apps. Three examples:

  1. Last week, at a crucial moment for Esther's safety, a message from her to me was not delivered. A little later, more or less by chance, I sent a message to her myself and received a message that it could not be delivered. This alarmed me and I hurried to the place where I knew Esther would be. On my way there, I bumped into a cult member whom I now know. He was apparently on his way to Esther and it was obviously the intention that I did not know where she was at that moment. There appeared to be nothing wrong with my wifi, messages sent to Esther via other apps appeared to be sent normally. Later that day the chat-app worked as before.
  • While the above example can be dismissed as an unfortunate coincidence, that certainly does not apply to this case: on 28 June, I received a message on the app of one of Esther's parts of the person, written in more or less the same style as this part of the person. It was a message with a lot of suspicion towards me. This happened very regularly in the earlier phase of the therapy. I was shocked by the message and could not place it, but I did respond to it. Apparently I had missed something very important, I suspected. This led to confusion in the communication when we met face-to-face. Fortunately, this was quickly rectified and it turned out that this message had not been written by her. The next day (when I knew by now that cult was active on this app, but apparently didn't notice it yet) I received a message on the same app saying that 'she' had stopped therapy altogether.By the way, we don't come to the appointments we have, so you know that too'.
  • A critical reader may well suggest that another person might have sent this app. Knowing Esther's inner process very well, I know that this option is out of the question. Not only because this is a very strong part of the personality and her app has never been 'hijacked' by another part of the personality. But also because such things do not happen in the phase of recovery in which the entire personality system finds itself. Should the reader still have doubts, on the same day Esther received an email, apparently sent from my email address, which stated: 'In this way, I would like to officially inform you that we will end the therapy on 28 June 2022. I have given you all my time with all my heart, but because you are not keeping to our agreements, it stops here. The mail was signed with my standard seal. For Esther's part, an inner struggle: cognitively knowing that this mail could not be from me. But the feeling says something else: 'so often 'they' were right and I was betrayed by someone who pretended to trust me. Is there not perhaps, a very small chance that this is also the case with Aline?

Sowing mistrust between therapists and clients is a cult strategy that has many variants. This week, confusion of digital communication was intensified with now very clear intrusions and falsification of communication. Today a network friend also received a forged email from Esther's mailbox, in which she indicates that she wants to break off contact. It is clear that the cult has realised that there is an antidote that can resist their poisonous manipulative, sadistic, malicious tricks: Real connection, which has its anchor in a shared connection with the Living God, wins out over fear, manipulation, intimidation and programming.

Ninth message, 13 June 2022

By Esther

The inner process of the past few months

Although there are still daily actions from the cult towards me or my surroundings, there is a lot of healing going on inside. Integrations have also taken place. Personalities who could not hear or see each other have made choices that allow them to hear and see each other. The clue was the sharing of secrets that stood between them. The desire to come together grew more and more, until the moment that a conscious choice was made to integrate.

Terrible (parts of) events and feelings that we kept from each other inside were shared and processed. Fear of reactions from one part of the personality to another was looked into the eyes, bonds of attachment between the parts of the personality and the perpetrators were shared and broken, guilt was shared about actions that one part of the personality had done that had caused the other part to suffer, etc.

The hundreds of reasons that each of us had for withholding events and feelings from other parts of the person became easier to understand from each other. In those impossible situations of the past, this was the most logical thing to do. Each person part carried something that the other could not. It is love for yourself that splits you at such a moment. Pure self-preservation at the deepest level. Pure love of life, which the cult uses so that they can do more with you. How bizarre that is.

For the past 4 years, it has been hard work on every memory that has surfaced. Each memory had several layers with several parts, which had to be felt and told. Not every detail, but the most painful, shameful and guilt-filled ones. The choice that had to be made over and over again to deal with it was and is really mega heavy. Imagine that time and again you are given the choice to tell something that you are terribly ashamed of and that you think you actually deserve the greatest punishment for. It is also something that is unknown and raises many questions. And telling your story hurts like hell, because your throat is terribly inflamed. Yet it is the only way and you choose to do it. Experience has taught us this.

The choice to tell and feel is then made not just once, but over and over again, for four years, daily and sometimes several times a day, until each time you get through the pain point and the shame and guilt. Then, when you've just finished, when you've achieved a victory, you come across something new again and you have to make the choice to do it again. Exhausting.

I have processed more than 1000 memories in this way in the last 4 years and now the pressure is off. All memories had a sting, a hook through which the cult influenced me. Sometimes I wanted to go back, didn't dare to continue, loved perpetrators, was too afraid, etc. Now, after the integrations, there are no more automatic parts. The programmes are switched off, but it seems like the processing is just starting.

In recent years, it was absolutely vital to continue processing. If I didn't, a still automatically reacting part of me could take me back to the cult. Without me, we as big person parts, being aware of it. Those days are over, but now there are triggers that we as big person parts all feel. Sadness, pain, questions, memories that float to the surface that also have to come out. There is so much feeling. Breaking down unreal, unhealthy identity and rebuilding a healthy one. Who was I really, who was my family? What was my part and what do I want for people who are still stuck in it? What do I still have to make up for in my life from my own perpetration? What is left in me that has behavioural patterns from unhealthy thinking/education?

So a few weeks ago I came to a very big pain and fear point. I made a mistake at work. If there is anything I am not allowed to do, it is make mistakes. In the cult, every mistake, big or small, intentional or deliberate, carries an enormous penalty. Torture of all kinds. My whole world collapsed and I was waiting, unconsciously inside, for a huge punishment. I was able to undergo everything, I was prepared for it, but nothing came.

I confessed my mistake, took responsibility for it and was told that I had done very well and they were proud of me. I got an error. This didn't make any sense and I became even more unbalanced..... Making mistakes wasn't allowed.... at least, that's what I'd learnt from my past.... and now there's room to work on it, because now, after four years, I seem to be an ordinary person who can make mistakes.... help!

There are dozens (I hope not more) of conscious and unconscious thought patterns that I can start working with now. I can finally say that I am free. Now I may go and heal!

I learn to taste, smell, see. For the first time in my life, I really saw the blossom on the trees. I marvelled that the trees and plants were experiencing a new development every day. I pick the beans from my garden every day and marvel at the life that is there. It was always there, but I was blind to it. I choose to learn to enjoy it, put my face in the sun and smell the fresh air. Even though the cults are standing across from my house and trying to make contact with me, they will never take away my inner freedom. I choose to enjoy the things that life also gives me, even though it is not the easiest path!

Eighth message, 19 January 2022

By Esther

December, already. 6 years ago I was pulled into a van. They were so angry that we didn't do everything they wanted us to do. Fear of the street overwhelmed me, I was not the same anymore. I went to a lot of therapy to understand myself and to deal with the traumas.

Slowly but surely, I regained more autonomy. By processing at a high speed and learning to cooperate better and better with other inner parts, I succeeded. Despite the fact that some parts of the person appeared to go to the cult, in retrospect, as a part of the person I was wrestling loose from my past and trying to guarantee my safety with the help of people around me.

Now more than a year ago, also in December, they wanted to kill me. They knew that I would not come back, I think. When I drove back from work and forgot to lock my car, they took their chance at the traffic lights and got into the back seat. They would have killed me and made my body untraceable (see letter to perpetrators for the whole story). Once again, the struggle began not to let fear take over and therefore not to (want to) go back to the cult.

Now it had been December again. This month is always very heavy because of Halloween, all the triggers of the holidays, all the memories of all the murders I have seen committed, not to mention my children who I have seen sacrificed. Because of everything I was doing inside, I was not constantly alert and in some places I thought I was quite safe with people around me, cameras and other ways and yet.... that bastard got me in the toilet at work.

For six weeks now, my entire oesophagus and stomach have been burned by what I have been given. Eating and drinking are still almost impossible and, without doctor intervention, things might have turned out worse. Whether I will ever be able to taste normally again, I do not know. What I do know is that if I never taste again or suffer any other damage, it will only make me more combative.

Seventh message, 29 July 2021

By Esther

Almost 40 years have passed since I was first sold and raped.

Over 30 years have passed since I first became a mother, I was still a child myself.

Over 22 years have passed since a part of me decided to want to follow Jeshua and my freedom came in sight.

Over 20 years before I was allowed to bring home a child of mine for the first time.

Over 8 years ago I had people on my path who took me by the hand and showed me the way out.

More than 5 years ago I chose not to fear the unborn life, created by you, but which has been received with open arms and love.

Over a year has passed since I decided to help another person escape you.

Over 7 months have passed since you last tried to kill me.

Not even a month has passed that you guys tried to make me feel guilty again, wanted to pull me back and clamp down on me, but here comes the no more.....

Even if you make my hands kill me, even if you rape my body, trap me or threaten my children, bowing to you is over.

Jeshua is my Lord and I will continue on my way in freedom and every victory I will name!

Sixth message, 2 April 2021

By Esther, About Easter

Inverted cross, sacrifice, candles, sounds, sex... If you get pregnant these days, you've acquired the place of honor at Christmas. Expectation and agony, murder. Easter's upon us. The 40 day period almost over. For some, redemption (read death) comes after 40 days of fear and pain and for some, hell is just beginning.

I can't sleep again. These kinds of 'holidays' don't get any easier the longer you stay away from the cult. The horror keeps slipping into your mind and the feeling that you can 'save' others keeps creeping in. Years later, now, I say to myself: it may be told, it may be in the light. We have been silent too long. We are strong enough, because we are still here, we are also strong enough to talk. With every word, the chains of captivity break more and more. Who else speaks out? Who are thinking and praying to and for those who are fighting a fierce battle these days? They cannot do without support. Do not look away. Looking away is worse than the abuse itself! And for you, survivor, stand up, there is a way out, especially in these days. You are so strong. Because you are still alive! Then you too can face this fight. You are not alone!

I found the following piece on the internet (source: about the background of Easter from a Jewish perspective. Still a lot of overlap:

Easter is a Roman Baal feast mixed with Passover. Originally it is a feast full of satanic rituals: demon worship, child sacrifice, sex orgies, prostitution, sunrise rituals (on the sun worship day/Sunday) and other practices. It all traces back to Semiramis, the wife of Nimrod. This woman in history has a different name in many cultures. In the Bible she is known as Astharoth, Astartes, Diana or Artemis. Easter is in English Easter. And this very English name clearly refers to Ishtar, Astartes, Semiramis. Think of what God will have to think of it that such a satanic feast is mixed up with Passover and His intended holiday is not celebrated anymore. On Easter Sunday the supernatural conception of Tammuz, the reincarnated Nimrod, is commemorated. He has since been worshipped as the sun god Dagon or Baal. So Easter celebrates the fact that Nimrod who had been killed had been resurrected in Tammuz. It's the supernatural rebirth of Nimrod. Nimrod was dead, but lives again in Tammuz. And of course this fits perfectly with Jesus' death and resurrection.

The women who were conceived at Easter during sex orgies gave birth to babies around December 25 (Christmas). These babies were then sacrificed to Moloch on December 25. It was the Roman and Babylonian church that was responsible for this change. A deliberate action of Constantine and the bishop of Rome. An action already foretold in Daniel (Dan. 7:25). Emperor Constantine was a follower of the Mithra cult (sun worship). The Roman Catholic Church has its roots in the Baal worship or better said: the Roman Catholic Church is Baal worship in a slightly different guise as we read it in the Bible. It is religion from Babylon completely focused on sun worship. Babylon where multi-god worship is acceptable, but where you are not allowed to confess and serve only the one and living God of Israel.'

Fifth message, 26 March 2021

By Aline Terpstra

The cult continued to send Esther links from websites containing constantly changing pornographic films, including ones in which she was the perpetrator. This is the reason why earlier this week part 4 was placed on the website.

Now that the cult continues to do this, and to make threats through emails and messages to family members who are still in their grip, part 5 is posted today. In this part you can read the testimony of Esther about how she, at the age of 16, was forced to hold her 2-year old daughter, who was killed after being brutally raped. Only the names of the 3 people known are not filled in.

Fourth message, 19 March 2021

by Aline Terpstra

As a result of a nasty action by the cult on March 12, Esther has chosen to place new fragments (part 2) of her life story on the website on Sunday, March 13. In these fragments, Esther tells how women like her are used from an early age, but also in adulthood, to seduce and trap people with influence. She tells how the accompanying photos are used by the cult to blackmail and manipulate influential people.

In response to the extreme porn videos of Esther that the cult continues to post on the internet last week, excerpts (part 3) of her life story were posted on this site again today. In it she tells how friendships within the cult's world are systematically destroyed and talks about the unimaginable cruelty of a high-ranking person.

Third message, 11 March 2021

by Aline Terpstra

This week, Tuesday 9 March, a number of people from the network of friends around Esther and I received an email with the title 'proof' and the following text:

"Who do you think killed this girl?

You want proof?"

Attached is a plain photo of the face of a dressed girl. Research on the internet shows that it is the photo of a girl who was reported murdered years ago. Esther's husband received a slightly different email:

"Who do you think this is?

You want to know who killed them? Send yes and you'll see every picture....
I know you want to know. I'm waiting for your answer!"

Attached is a photo of a naked teenage girl who I think is Esther - she herself indicates that she is indeed - and the midsection of the body of a naked man with an erect penis.

Esther herself is sent photographs showing her killing a girl at an adult age. The photo, of course, does not reflect the context.

Second message, 23 February 2021

by Aline Terpstra

Police involvement

Yesterday on the way back from an appointment with me, I had Esther on the phone, while we were both driving back to our hometown. Esther was first followed by a familiar car that miraculously didn't signal with its lights or show its presence in any other way. We both wondered if his presence was a coincidence (not having a cult mission on the way). Perhaps the explanation came shortly thereafter. Close to home a cult cop in a police car approached her. Laughing, he shot to her side of the road, where it looked like he was going to hit her, and then shot back to his own side of the road.

Blackmail and cult communication with made porno

As indicated in the previous message, a link to a porn site was forwarded to a number of people in Esther's network of friends. This was a site with short pornographic films about sex with animals, torture sex and more. The apparent aim was to force Esther to alienate her network by publishing 'her' images, as the text of the previous message indicates.

As you can imagine, shame and fear was Esther's first reaction. Because Esther's welfare always comes before proof, I did not look at the site in the first instance. The videos of Esther that were on the site during the first few hours, have only been seen by herself. She tells me that the films begin with a sort of introduction that goes something like this: 'I am here voluntarily, I have chosen for this myself, I am doing this for my work. I am here regularly and found this and that special about making this recording'. Seeing and hearing this made the shame of showing the videos to me disappear.

The next day there was still room to watch the pornosite together. The titles of the films were still there and the starting image, the films themselves no longer. We have registered this. 

However, there appears to be another catch. Last Monday the cult uploaded new footage of Esther. Again it appeared to be links to movies that don't work, in which only the starting image is shown. This is a way of passing codes to her: for example third page, first row, third picture is 313. Behind this is an assignment or memory that triggers some of her personality parts.

Because there are also childporno images on the site, I have reported to the childporno reporting centre that the site has to be removed from the Internet.

First post, 21 February 2021

by Aline Terpstra

This website was almost ready yesterday. That day, Esther had taken the courageous step of breaking off email contact with cult leader H. In the evening I received an email from the cult with three photos of Esther in a tortured position. With the text:

This disgusting whore is not worthy of your help.

all of her dirty tricks I'm throwing out on the street right now

I'm gonna flood the internet with her cunt and tits

I will not stop until you leave her presence.

If not, take a quick look at this site (link to a porn site, removed by me, AT) she is already there.

I'm sure you'll never be able to calm him down.

I'm not taking it off until you confirm you're leaving her.


In the articles about Esther's treatment, I write that I have seen many torture photos of the cult, sent to me by way of threatening mail. In this photo I can see that this is Esther. Hanging from the ceiling by metal shackles, both on her legs and on her wrists.

.... as long as we as a society do not face the truth of this extreme abuse,

.... As long as politicians, media and society do not enforce a fair trial for the girl Lisa, who was killed at 15e was raped in a forest by high-ranking officials, and she gave birth and her baby died.

...until we understand how victims of ritual abuse are coerced into committing horrible crimes... long as victims like Esther are terrified that the perpetrators will be able to forward films and photographs of this to the police and that they will then be convicted while the real perpetrators go free.

Until Esther and I are able to press charges, this injustice will continue.