Mrs A. Terpstra-van Hijum, GZ-psychologist, 16 February 2021
Why do you believe what Esther tells you?" is the question I am asked time and again, when I tell about my treatment of Esther, who broke away from a large network of organized ritual violence. I do understand that question. Fifteen years ago, I would probably have asked the same question. In this article I want to answer this question as concretely as possible. After the introduction and my insights into why believing someone like Esther is apparently so difficult for us, there follows a long list of reasons why I believe Esther. First of all, the reasons that arise directly from the treatment, followed by things that I have experienced myself over the past three years around Esther, which confirm her story. Finally, I will briefly go into the testimonies of other victims, and how they support Esther's story. Unfortunately, there are a number of reasons that I cannot mention, including the fact that they are so specific that they directly compromise Esther's privacy. But even without these reasons, the list is already long.
My deep hope is that this article will help, not only to make victims believe, but also to bring helping hands from all sides to expose and stop this horrible injustice.
Why we can't believe victims like Esther
Why I believe Esther: reasons from the treatment
Why I believe Esther: External Indications
Why I Believe Esther: Testimonies of Other Victims
Many people have experienced as a child or as an adult how unpleasant it is when you have not done something (or done something) and you are not believed, no matter what you say or how loudly you shout. It makes you powerless and angry, and if it happens frequently or about important things, it damages your relationships with the people who don't believe you.
For Esther, and many victims of ritual abuse, this is the story of her life. In hundreds of ways, she was trained from an early age to never speak. As a result of long, repeated, purposeful and severe abuse and torture at a very young age, Esther developed a dissociative identity disorder (DIS): the personality split into several identities, each with its own 'I-awareness', that have a complete or partial loss of memory with regard to each other. In this article I use the term 'personality parts', other authors also use the term 'alters' or 'personalities'.
The DIS made it even more difficult for her to ask for help from those around her. When she did mention something about the abuse in normal life and in this way - against all orders of silence - made a cry for help heard, it was dismissed as fantasy by the adults around her.
When Esther was a teenager, she started treatment at the RIAGG because of - according to the RIAGG letter to the family doctor - physical complaints for which no medical explanation was found. In addition, the parents' request for help is copied uncritically in this letter, without qualification or addition: 'At registration, the parents ask for an investigation into the background of the untrue stories that Esther tells them'.
Eighteen months and suicide notes and a runaway attempt later, a clinic for child and adolescent psychiatry, where Esther was admitted, wrote as 'reason for admission': 'clinical observation in connection with a possible dissociative disorder NAO. The patient told all kinds of fantasy stories (about rape, pregnancies and abuse), ran away from home and wrote suicide notes of which she later denied the existence. It is shocking to see how the mental health service does not even seem to have considered the possibility that her baffling stories could be true. While they did consider dissociative disorder. Even back then, the last decade of the last century, it was- despite the recently unleashed memory war This is not to say that there is no dissociative disorder, but rather that there is a widespread belief in psychologists that a dissociative disorder only arises as a result of very severe and long-lasting early childhood trauma. This makes it even less understandable that they did not take Esther's stories seriously.
Why we can't believe victims like Esther
The crimes that victims of ritual abuse like Esther tell about are so heinous that the world would rather not believe that they exist in our Western civilization. They are crimes on the level of IS and Jozef Mengele, but purposeful, prolonged, with great regularity and with the explicit secondary goal of pulling the wool over the eyes of the world about the existence of these crimes. In addition, in the testimony of many of them, including Esther, (very) high-ranking personalities play a prominent role in the network. Who then misuse their influence as minister, politician, judge, lawyer, professor, journalist, police chief or head of investigation in order to cover up these crimes. As Esther tells it, these high-ranking people did not get into these positions by accident. They help each other to get these positions and through mutual blackmail (photos of pedosexual crimes of each other) they are condemned to support each other at all costs. This saws the legs from under our entire vision of our reasonably just and reasonably safe democratic constitutional state. We need a revolution in our thinking about our society, a paradigm shift. There was a lot of evidence needed before the majority of people in the 16e century came to the realization that the earth is round and not flat, as had been believed until then. Unfortunately, the majority of humanity did not believe in the existence of the holocaust until after it was over. What will it take to open our eyes to the extreme injustice of ritual abuse and the forces behind it?
That I believe Esther does not mean that I think Esther could not be mistaken in any detail (see point 5, where it appears that she was mistaken about her age).
When I say that I believe Esther, I mean that I believe that what she tells about her past really happened. And that what she tells about what is happening to her in the present is also true. Even if she were to make mistakes on a detailed level.
I invite you, the reader, to join me in thinking about what I encountered during my treatment of Esther and why I believe her testimony about these heinous crimes. First, the reasons directly related to the treatment.
Why I believe Esther: reasons from the treatment
The three years that I have been treating Esther intensively (since February 2018), during which I have gradually heard the most horrific stories about abuse in a network, can be summarized in a few words: authentic, consistent and supported by external evidence that her testimony is true. Below is a concretization from a treatment perspective
1. Principles of trauma processing also apply to Esther.
In trauma counseling, whether it is through writing, talking, EMDR or another tool, it is about looking all guilt (feelings), fear, powerlessness, pain, anger, shame or whatever emotion, straight in the eye and feeling it in the body. All thoughts and feelings that are then released need space and attention. Only then nightmares, flashbacks, disproportionate emotional reactions to daily events that are emotionally linked to the trauma and other trauma-related complaints will disappear.
In Esther's case this is no different. Because of the memory walls between the personality parts and because of the personality parts which have been conditioned to sabotage this process, bringing all the elements of a memory to the surface is a very complex and time-consuming process. But once these are to the surface, it is 'old school' trauma processing. And every time it turns out that looking into the eyes of the horrors calms the sabotaging personality parts, brings the personality parts closer together and reduces the stress in the body.
2. What Esther says is and remains internally consistent..
Esther's life story is incredibly complicated, but always internally consistent. I will give an example. As described before (link) the part that calls itself Esther is not present during the first 1,5 years in therapy. When I meet her after 1,5 years for the first time she has absolutely no knowledge of her enormous traumas. The only thing she knows is that she has lost hours, days, sometimes weeks of time. When she starts participating in the therapy process, she starts dreaming about her memories. The content of the dreams that she shares with me and writes down correspond to memories that I - in other words, but with the same content in detail - had heard before from other personality parts. And which those personality parts had often written down as well
Another example: because of the stratification of the personality, memories often have to go through a process of processing several times: first through deeper hidden parts of the personality in the consciousness and when the worst emotional charge is off, still through higher situated parts. These sometimes have their own part of the memory or their own aspects. This contradicts never told memories, but often expands them. Think of an old overhead projector. Every personality part (involved in this memory) is as it were a sheet on which a part of the total image is placed. The total picture is created by superimposing the sheets. By 'picture' we should not only think of the visual 'film' of the memory, but also of smell, taste, sounds and emotions and physical feelings.
3. Incomprehensible behavior toward me makes sense the more I know.
Behavior of personality parts that I cannot place at the beginning, becomes clearer and very understandable as parts dare to tell me more.
E.g. a sudden acute distrust of the personality part Ilze. Seemingly without any reason at all, she suddenly closes all doors: 'I don't talk to you anymore, you talk to others about me, you're not honest, etc.'. Whatever I say, I suddenly don't succeed anymore in helping her to tell what is going on and why she suddenly shuts herself off from me.
In hindsight, days but sometimes weeks or months later, she sometimes lets slip something of what was going on then. It's always about the cult that tried to torpedo our fragile bond of trust: by having her call in a so-called conversation where I report to the cult; a (deep fake?) video recording of me telling the media about her forced crimes, a 'photo' she got of me talking to one of her abusers.
Another example of behavior that is incomprehensible to me at first is a child part that shoots into a cramped position with its hands over its ears, rocking itself back and forth. When an older child tells me that she has remembered the sound of the saw, with which a bigger part had to work on another child, I can understand what I saw before.
4. I'm immediately corrected if I misremember a detail.
I am careful not to fill in anything myself, but to let everything come from the personality parts themselves. It regularly happens that I have already heard something from personality part A about a certain memory. When I subsequently talk with personality part B about the same memory or recent event, I sometimes repeat something that I have heard from part A in order to help B get over the threshold to tell her about it. If I have misremembered something, I am immediately corrected, e.g. 'no Grandad wasn't standing when that man held me on the bed, Grandad was sitting on a chair in the corner. '
5. GP's file confirms on several points what Esther told me much earlier
After 2 years of therapy, Esther changes doctor and asks for her (thick) file. What she had told me earlier about a police report, running away from home and clinical admission at an adolescent age, all appears to be confirmed by this file. Apart from a not quite correct year: according to the GP file, Esther was 14 at the time and not 12, as she told me.
What is also true are the frequent seizures, which she has suffered from for a long time. The file shows that in the early adolescence, but also later on (when she came to me for treatment) she sometimes suddenly faints. She does not react anymore when people talk to her. She is described as having a shaking upper body, her legs trembling slightly, her tongue often between her teeth, her eyes closed or half open, her body is limp. The frequency is up to 10 times a day and the attacks can last from 15 minutes up to hours.
She has been to the ER several times and was once admitted to a special ward for a longer period. Conclusion was 'pseudo-epileptic seizures' and years later in a neurology department 'functional seizures'..
6. The existence of multiple personality parts I see with my own eyes
I am not able to observe all switches between personality parts. The switching between adult personality parts is often very subtle and I often deduce it from what the parts with whom I am talking know or do not know. Child parts that are suddenly triggered are a different story: A part that suddenly jumps up in acute panic and dives into a cupboard in a way that looks painful, after which I cannot get through to that part for a while; a part that suddenly collapses, literally stares ahead with its hands in its hair and completely blank, and appears to be in an acute panic because of the ticking of my clock; a part that moves back and forth anxiously with a thumb in its mouth and can only indicate something by nodding and shaking, are just a few examples of child parts that come across as very authentic. In addition, the partner sometimes encounters the same personality parts with similar behaviour.
7. The treatment has an effect
Last but not least, the treatment has an effect. The 'disappearing' that regularly occurred at the start of treatment gradually decreased during the first year and then almost disappeared. The frequency and severity of self-harm (cuts in the arms, thighs and groin) decreases and virtually stops after the second year of treatment.
Through trial and error, they work better and better together inside. This makes Esther as a 'whole' less and less susceptible to the lies and manipulations of the cult. Automatic reactions of personality parts, learned during torture, stop after processing. As a result, there is less and less response to commands from cult members, transmitted through flashing car lights, emails, men outside giving finger language commands. The result is far fewer new traumas like rape and new torture.
The cooperation between the personality parts also makes 'ordinary things' possible, such as calling in sick for a day if things really don't go well. At the beginning of the treatment this was unthinkable, because the parts that were working couldn't bear it. Now that these parts know more about the struggle of other parts that are being harassed by the cult, they are able to think more flexibly. The ability to feel and enjoy several 'big' parts is also increasing. Enjoying the green and the sun outside is a new experience. After almost 3 years of treatment I see real tears for the first time.
In addition to all these reasons why I believe Esther, which stem from the treatment, there are also many external indications that her testimony is true.
Why I believe Esther: External Indications
1. Threatening emails with torture pictures and texts that I receive and the fear that this evokes in Esther.
About a year after Esther comes to me for treatment, I receive an e-mail with a death threat if I don't release her within 3 days. In the next two years I regularly receive similar texts, later with photos in an increasing degree of horror: a photo of the face of a woman apparently dead of wounds, photos of sexual torture, a naked woman tied to a steel bed with a bucket for her feces, naked women in all kinds of positions hung from trees or with their heads in the ground, a coffin, a bloody photo of a horribly raped woman, pictures of a girl being raped by a dog, pictures of a woman completely wrapped in plastic, except for her genitals, a teenager in agony in a cell-like room, a girl (lookalike of my daughter) with a meat hook in her neck, a woman impaled on a pole etcetera. Added to this - mostly in rhyme - threatening texts like 'which of your children shall I choose? Because of the horror - and so as not to give reason for censorship - I can't place most of them here. A number of them were seen by 2 journalists, Wierd Duk of the Telegraaf and Hans Zuurman of the Nederlands Dagblad.
In addition, I get a number of threatening emails with obscure illustrations and one with an animated film of a cartoon-like figure beheading someone, which I can publish here without risk of censorship.
In some parts of Esther's personality, the fact that I receive such mails evokes extreme fear. Only in the course of the months I start to understand better why. There are a number of reasons
- The fear that I would 'see who she really is' (a whore, which has been said to her endlessly in all kinds of tones) and therefore reject her or stop helping her.
- The fear that pictures will be sent where she has sex or has to rape or kill. She tells me how the cult keeps threatening to do this. Again enormous shame, guilt and the fear that I will stop helping if such pictures are sent to me
- The fear that I will go to the police if I were to get perpetrator photos of her. The cult seems to actively push for this several times, when they send pictures every day for a week in increasing horror.
2. Threatening emails with torture pictures and texts sent to people in the support network further down the line, and the enormous anxiety that this also causes in some of my client's personality parts
The fears of these parts are the same as above, but even more intense because the images now go to more people, whom she knows less about than she knows me. Who also know less about her than I know by now and have yet to see the horrifically evil and sadistic methods in which she has been made a co-perpetrator.
On top of that, the cult always throws a spanner in the works. Often she receives an e-mail with the same title as us, but with a different picture. For example the title is 'your fault'. Esther receives a perpetrator picture of herself. The network and I receive the said picture with the same title (see here) of a toddler suggesting that it had been raped and that it was our fault.
Sometimes it is more direct. An email to network friends with a photo and the title: "sinful, right?" explicitly has the text:
"If only that were all, but alas.
Murder and mayhem. She's the boss.
She's not a sweetheart, I have proof of that.
Ilze shall I send it? Or will you be frightened now?"
Each time there is the huge fear that this time the cult really did send a picture of her. Maybe not to all of them, but to one of them. Every time again, the personality system is in turmoil about this for days. I agree with the network friends that everyone will forward the emails to me. I check all attachments and tell Ilze exactly what was in each email and what picture was attached to it. This helps a little
In May 2020, the cult starts a mail offensive: for over a week, the network of friends, Esther's partner and myself receive almost daily mail with dark texts and pictures or satanic symbols. A toddler nibbling on a seemingly severed hand, a corpse in decomposition, a toddler in a forest, a man dressed in black with a knife threatening next to him, etc. It starts with 'day 7' and counts down to the 'final day'. Sometimes a day is skipped and not every day the mail is sent to the entire network. This is clearly meant to feed the distrust and fear of the Ilze-personality part extra: why hasn't network friend Kevin sent anything to Aline today while all the others have? Is he holding something back? Did he get something different than the others? Is he now on his way to the police with it?
Around Halloween 2020 they try another such mail offensive, this time for 14 days. It starts on the 18th of October, an email with the title 'because of you number 1', a picture of a 4 year old girl with her throat cut and the text 'every day 1 as long as you stop her'. After that a daily mail with 'by you number 2' until 'by you number 14' on the 31st of October. Each time a picture of a horribly tortured human being was added, from fetus to adult in all kinds of positions.
The psychological game that is played with these horrible mails is cunningly malicious and almost flawlessly attuned to the (for them apparently predictable) reactions of various personality parts of Esther. From part Ilze I also hear how through the mail she is taunted with texts like that they will succeed in getting her friends to report her to the police.
3. The forged mails that I eventually get, which makes me understand the distrust towards the man in the support network. Later the same trick is used with a man from the new network
Another type of e-mail that sometimes comes in and of which I only gradually understand the reason, from a cult point of view, are e-mails with titles such as "party, are you in?" or "reply 9 p.m.". They are a kind of invitation to join their orgy. Only much later I understand that they use these mails to put together a fakemail towards Ilze. This seems to be a forwarded mail from e.g. male network member Folkert who confirms or submissively responds to the cult that he will definitely come. The cult then sends this 'for info' to Ilze with the invitation to come then and there (location in code language) to see for herself that this is really true.
What happens then within the personality system of Esther, is that her Ilz part panics: there is someone in her network who is in the power of the cult! That Folkert seemed so nice and helped doesn't say anything, after all, so did her uncles and so many others. Who also could turn around like a leaf on a tree. She doesn't dare share this with other personality parts and keeps this information within her 'memory walls'. Something seeps through to other parts, but more in a diffuse uncanny feeling towards Folkert, which they cannot place.
I also notice that the attitude towards this person has changed. Small mistakes (responding too late, just not the right tone), which are always annoying, now become very big. Only when Ilze finds the courage to send me the forged email (which indeed looks very real), the pieces of the puzzle fall back into place. When Ilze moves and we try to build a new network in the new place, a similar trick is tried with another male network member. This time, Ilze is much quicker to open up about the forged mail the cult sent her, and the cold is relatively quickly dispelled.
4. The pill-testing agency does not know the drugs that part of Esther indicates she used daily through the cult for 24 years , well.
In the beginning of treatment, part of Esther appears to have been made addicted to pills from a young age (8 years old) (link to treatment article). When we struggle to find a way to have this tested anonymously (2018), it turns out to be 2 CB fly. The person testing it writes the following about this:
There is not much to say about the distribution of the drug. The drug has been around for a long time in the Netherlands and was legal until 1997. In that year it was placed on list 1 and it is sold in the illegal circuit. 2C-B is not a very common drug and is seen much less often than XTC, cocaine or cannabis. 2C-B is mainly used by young people as part of a group of substances categorized as NPS (New Psychoactive Substances), although as an illegal substance 2C-B does not formally fall under this category.
In this case we're talking about 2C-B fly, a much less common variant of this drug; I hadn't seen this variant before in the 15 years I've been involved with (name of organization).'
The fact that it is such an unknown drug makes it more likely that it is supplied by a club outside the 'normal' drugs trade. Because the craving for the drug is sometimes extremely strong even after it has been discontinued, a number of Esther's personality parts decide at some point to order 2 CB-fly via the Internet as an emergency measure. This is to prevent the vulnerable personality part from going back to the cult because of craving. These pills turn out to be a disappointment in comparison with the cult pills: they work less powerfully and differently.
The literature indicates that this is a drug, belonging to the group of psychostimulants, which is normally used incidentally. There is no information about the effects or possible withdrawal symptoms when this drug is used daily for decades. There is however information that the drug also increases sexual desires. The psychiatrist who supervises the withdrawal, notes that the fear and emotional pain increase considerably during the withdrawal process.
5. GP record shows a lifelong pattern of a range of apparently incoherent physical symptoms, which become understandable when trauma history is involved
The general practitioner's file shows that Esther has had a wide range of complaints over the course of her life, such as periods of continuous vaginal bleeding, hernia's, fainting and passing out, problems with her stool, urinary tract infections as a toddler, hearing problems, problems with her locomotor system (neurologist: 'complex picture, certainly in view of her age and no previous tumours') and premature births.
Various studies have shown It is now known that chronic early childhood and repeated trauma, due to changes in the immune and hormonal systems, has all kinds of physical and long-term consequences. Repeated urinary tract infections, vaginal bleeding, and problems with defecation are not strange if you are regularly raped vaginally and anally. Unexplained problems in the musculoskeletal system are easily understood as conversion, where the brain, as a result of extreme stress, temporarily or permanently blocks the functioning of bodily functions.
6. GP file shows multiple outpatient mental health treatments and multiple periods of inpatient admissions, consistent with DIS and ongoing traumatization
It is striking that the possible diagnosis of Dissociative Disorder NAO is mentioned in the GP's file at a young age (14 years), as well as the diagnosis of conversion disorder (15 years, 17 years). The latter because of the extreme convulsions that can last for hours at a time. Unfortunately, the file does not show that at any given moment extensive research into DID was started, followed by a subsequent treatment. What is striking is the multitude of different psychiatric diagnoses and the totally different views that the therapists have on what is going on. This is a fact that frequently occurs with patients with DID. The clinical admissions concern a long stay at the age of 14 after she ran away from home and suicide notes were found; at the age of 16 a one week stay in a hospital because of feverishness, diagnosed as conversion; at the age of 17 an admission of more than two weeks for research because of falling away, after a number of emergency admissions during a holiday abroad.
7. Indirectly, I am very regularly witness to cars that follow her - usually with flashing lights - on the bumper or are parked near her work with flashing lights for a long time.
I am present by phone when cars follow and signal with lights and sometimes I am sent pictures or a short film recording immediately.
While driving she often passes on license plates of cars with flashing lights behind her, often these are cars with brands like Tesla or Mercedes. When I unexpectedly accompany her by video call instead of by phone, I see the flashing lights of the next car for about 20 minutes.
8. Also her husband sends me pictures of the following cars when he is on the road with Esther
Sometimes the partner is also present in the car when cars are following. Sometimes he sends a video or photo of this. A number of times, these are cars with a code written on the side window or windshield that has meaning for parts of Esther's personality.
9. Esther or her partner sends me photos of men hanging around the house or at her workplace
Very anxious personality parts regularly apprise me of offenders hanging around outside the window at work or on the bench in the park across from home. In doing so, the offenders sometimes make finger signals that are meaningful to these personality parts. If I get permission from this part - which is not always possible - to share this information with a 'higher' daily life part, this always turns out to be correct. Sometimes this 'higher' personality part dares to make a photo. What I heard earlier from the fearful part always turns out to be correct: the place where the person was standing or how he/she looked.
10. I'm pretty sure a car is following her around on purpose.
After an evening appointment I walk with the client to her car. From my office she can follow two routes in the direction of her home. Just as she is leaving, I see a parked car break away from the row of cars, quickly turn 180 degrees and follow Esther at great speed. Her partner accompanies Esther on the app during the journey home, for safety reasons. Indeed, it turns out that Esther is being followed by a car with flashing lights. She passes on the number plate; when I google the number plate, the car model appears to match the car I saw following her.
11. I notice remarkably strange behaviour in some men when I am with Esther on the street or in a restaurant.
Because a cult member seems to hang around my office when she visits me (I observe this person's strange behavior myself), we meet a number of times in a McDonalds or other catering establishment, or in corona time even once in a parking lot. During these meetings I observe striking behavior in 'random passers-by'. For instance, I see two men entering the McDonalds, one of whom turns around without any reason and stares at Esther for seconds with cold eyes. This repeats itself when he leaves. I see a lorry driver in the parking lot staring intrusively at the car in which we are sitting and then staring at the sky, this repeats itself.
12. the purse with drugs that I find in my garden on April 22, 2019. As I learn more about the cult's methods of treatment, I understand why that wallet was there and why it contained what was in it.
Wallet, the initials at the bottom right are cut from the picture
Our bi-weekly appointments are always at the same time and day. When unexpectedly an appointment falls through, my husband and I go to work in our garden on Monday, April 22, 2019. My husband finds, neatly tucked under the leg of a fence along the adjacent path, a bright red wallet that turns out to be full of all kinds of drugs. We are highly surprised: who would leave a stash of drugs for someone else so conspicuously? The path is sandwiched between our garden and the back of a police station, which is equipped with cameras. It strikes me that the wallet lies exactly on the spot where both police cameras are pointing at it. I don't understand a thing, until my eye catches the initials on the wallet: those of Esther.
At that moment a personality part is in the middle of the withdrawal of 2B-fly, but to my surprise those pills are not in it. Esther does recognize the wallet as hers, she had lost it for years.
During the treatment I get more insight in the way the cult tries to undermine her trust in people who help her. They try to make me look bad towards her (I talk with the press about her, talk behind her back with people from the cult about her, etc., see point 3). This action fits into that as well. I think their plan A was to take advantage of a weak moment of Ilze, the personality part that was in rehab just then. I suspect that the intention was to send her a text message or something like that after she left my house where they had prepared drugs for her, namely on the edge of my garden. If she had then gone to get them, they had later threatened her that they had film footage of her and threatened to send it to me if she did not come to them or stop coming to me, etc. When I later presented this hypothesis to Ilze, she said that in that case she would certainly never have dared to come back to me.
The cult likes to leave little to chance, so I suspect there was also a plan B: if I found the wallet, it would give me the impression that Esther is a poly-drug user and a liar. Perhaps that would cast doubt on her intentions on my part and I'd pull my hands away from her.
13. The box that was delivered to her work, which supposedly contained her son's finger.
On July 28, 2020, I have a personality part of Esther in a great panic at night on the app. It happens more often than not that the cult threatens to torture her adult son, who is also enmeshed in the cult, if she does not obey an order to come. This time they send her a picture of a severed finger. It is said to be a finger of her son, which will be delivered to her at work tomorrow.
The fear is so great that I can't manage to help this personality part share the burden with other personality parts inside. Reassuring her that this is too risky an action for the cult and that the photo is probably not of his finger doesn't really help either. I agree to drive past her work the next morning, when the mail has arrived. When I drive by her work the next morning, I find that there was indeed a box waiting for her at the reception desk. The fear is enormous. The box turns out to be empty, except for a printed photograph of a decomposing corpse.
14. the assassination attempt (see letter to perpetrators) after which I pick Esther up in the parking lot, and Esther's reaction to that
On December 3, I have Esther on the phone at around 17:00 while she is on her way home from work. Suddenly I hear 'noeeeeee' and the connection is broken. Only after some time I get back in touch with Esther and she tells me how they tried to kill her.
When I finally find Esther at the parking lot where she was left, it turns out that she can no longer drive herself because her body is shaking. Her 'normal' ability after a trauma to switch acutely to another personality part, who knows nothing, no longer works. Just like any other human being who has been cut with a knife and almost killed, her body is in shock and cannot function for a while.
15. The pictures the partner sends me in the evening of the wounds from it (incised cult symbols on belly, back and buttock).
Because I know how great the shame is, and how difficult it is already for Esther to allow me to help her after the attempted murder, I do not ask Esther on the spot to show me her wounds. In the evening, her partner sends me photos of the wounds: inverted crosses and an inverted cross in a triangle. About a week later, Esther herself shows me the scar on her belly.
0. Finally, there is no reason not to believe her
In Esther I meet an intelligent, well-groomed woman with a good job and a beautiful family, which she runs with her partner. On the face of it, she has a good life, excellent social skills, looks good and has everything that makes life worth living. I can't think of a single reason why she would purposefully come up with an unimaginably complex horrific history, spending hours a day wrestling with it and writing it down. At the expense of a lot of fun and nice things she can't do with the people she loves as a result. In addition, she would have to use all kinds of men to support her in order to give me, her partner and a colleague the impression that she is being watched over. She would have to arrange this on an almost daily basis, for years. She would have to send emails to herself, me and her support network with horrific pictures of torture and then fake extremely well that she is utterly panicked about what she herself is receiving and about me and others getting these kinds of emails.
Esther is not the only victim who receives threatening emails. In the broadcast of Argos about ritual abuse, the mother-in-law of Marinke tells about threatening emails that Marinke receives, which she could not send herself.
If Esther were to come up with everything herself, she would also have to use cars to follow her around with flashing lights, several times a week, for years on end. She and her partner can just about make ends meet by working two part-time jobs, but that's about it.
She would have to have put together the attempted murder of her, including the agony I saw and felt when I found her in the abandoned parking lot. She would have had to have self-inflicted the wounds of which I saw the photos and at one the scar. That's kind of awkward on your back.
She would have to have invented that she was addicted or have been addicted to a drug that was quite unknown in the Netherlands. She must have faked the 'falling away' from her teenage years onwards, but in such a way that all kinds of doctors wrote down observations about it and she was even hospitalized for it for a longer period. After that she must have consciously chosen, during her therapy with me, to stop.
She would have to very convincingly fake amnesia between an enormously complex system of personality parts, meticulously remember all the bits of memory (which bit belongs to which part etc), which I can barely manage with an extensive file already. She would have to keep that up for 3 years in a completely consistent way to me, and to her partner for 7 years. What her partner tells me about certain personality parts, which for example are briefly present at night, always fits with what I already know about these parts or at least does not conflict with it.
In short, as C.S. Lewis in his famous Narnia Chronicles has the Professor say to 2 children who think their sister is lying about the existence of the land of Narnia, which the other two children have not seen for themselves:
'Think logically!' said the Professor half to himself:'Why don't they teach those children in those schools to think logically? There are only three possibilities in this case. Either your sister is lying, or she is mad, or she is telling the truth. You know she never lies and it is obvious to see that she is not crazy. So at this point, and while we have no further evidence, we do have to assume that she is telling the truth."
And then there are the many, many testimonies of other victims who confirm Esther's story.
Why I Believe Esther: Testimonies of Other Victims
Esther is certainly not the only one who tells about satanic ritual abuse. In my direct environment as a social worker I know directly or indirectly 13 persons who tell stories that show striking similarities with Esther's. These are clients of direct colleagues about whom I work in peer review, victims or relatives who contacted me after my interview. They are clients of direct colleagues who I work with in peer review groups, victims or next of kin who contacted me after my interview in the Dutch daily newspaper, and family caregivers who in one way or another have a caring role for a victim. I hear similarities when it comes to the traumas these people struggle with, including being forced to watch murder or to murder themselves, death by stoning, having to run naked through the woods as a little girl while rich people hunt you down, small children who are hanged, description of a torture instrument that I recognize from one of the photos I received as a threatening email, traumatic reactions to seeing certain well-known persons on television, etc.
At the annual symposia of the Knowledge Centre on Transgenerational Violence, I also speak to colleagues who treat many clients with similar stories. Argos conducted research and received a response from no less than 140 victims of organised pedosexual and ritual abuse. That is in the Netherlands alone. Also on the internet you can find many testimonies of victims of ritual abuse from all kinds of western countries, some of which show striking similarities with what Esther tells me.
Maybe not all of these testimonies are true, I don't know these people personally. It is a fact that one of the tactics of the satanscult, following the serpent in the Garden of Eden, is sowing confusion by mixing truth and lies. It would surprise me if the satanic cult has not put testimonies on internet itself that seem real, but on closer investigation don't (can't) be true. A very cunning tactic to make the testimonies that are true, seem implausible.
Also internationally, when I read the work of colleagues, I recognize many of the cult strategies they encounter in helping their clients. Noteworthy is Ellen Lactor, an american therapist who writes very good articles about forced crimes in the context of organized ritual abuse, see http://endritualabuse.org/.
There's an article on her website, http://endritualabuse.org/empirical-and-forensic-evidence-of-ritual-abuse/ in which she provides an impressive list of many studies done over the years in all kinds of countries in Western europe among sometimes large groups of children and adults who tell about ritual abuse. Some in the context of child care centers, others in the context of intergenerational ritual abuse. The similarities in the many testimonies and the number of children and adults involved are shocking.
In short, every reason to believe Esther and other victims and to extend a big, firm and persistent helping hand. Which journalists, politicians, judges, lawyers, fellow therapists are willing to look into this and contribute their stone to stopping this extreme injustice in our Western civilization?
 For general information on what is meant by a functional seizure, see https://www.stichtingfns.nl/
 see for example the following summary https://ggz.nl/deskundigen-aan-het-woord-vroegkinderlijke-chronische-traumatisering